textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
