if you like me you must not know who I am
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
