I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
