Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
