my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
