I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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