i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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