the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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