I want to make a zoo with you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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