cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize