I love black thongs
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She announced her abortion via fbk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
