Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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