i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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