I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
