Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
