umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Still dying that you shit outside
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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