i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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