Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
