He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
