I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
