it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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