Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
