i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
cat food counts as protein by the way
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
