And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
