if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
did i just pee glitter
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