We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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