I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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