If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize