Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
