I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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