yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
