Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
