shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
