walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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