His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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