It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
