if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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