If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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