Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
