While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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