what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
