i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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