i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The uberlube is also flammable
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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