I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
