I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
