Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
