Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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