for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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