Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
