I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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