Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
