They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
