Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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