Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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