I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
