im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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