So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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