I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
