We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
babies were throwing up all over the place
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
