He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
