WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
