A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
