these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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