You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
