this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No subtext here. People are naked.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
