you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize