i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
