this boner is exhausting
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
