it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
