I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
